The Remediation of an Angry Fat Ass

One Wall Down

2008-11-29T15:58:00.004-05:00

Ok everyone!! I figured it's time to check in with the world finally. A lot has happened in the last few months and I am all better for it. I am finally in a place where I feel like I'm on the right track spiritually. I have worked hard to get to this place and it has taken years to get here. I went through much of my life with many things happening to me that were bad and somehow through it all I had managed to stay positive and hold onto hope. At some point I came to realize that much of the bad that happened to me had been brought on by my own doing. My insecurities had gotten the best of me and made me overcompensate in areas where I could stand out. This caused a lot of problems in my life for various reasons. One day I got in a relationship with someone who I was sure was the perfect one for me and who I was convinced I would be with forever and ever. Every little girl's dream is to find that special someone and be with them forever. In the end I found that this person had no respect for others beyond the surface. She actually only had respect for others because it was the right thing to do. She didn't have respect for me or for my things. If I had something that I had earned however small it was somehow she would manage to damage it. In the end when we broke up I found myself paying full price for things that she had ruined. So the keyword in all of that was END. After that my life became a big anger filled experience. I was now moving through the world jaded and acting as if all people were worthless and not to be trusted. This of course made me controlling and hard to deal with. People could see the good heart that I had but it was virtually unreachable. I have struggled for a good 10 years with my anger issues, my self confidence etc. etc. and in the end I became fatter, and fatter, and angrier and angrier and less and less self confident. Something happened in the last few months that broke me free. I don't exactly know what it was but a few different happenings popped up and all of a sudden it was as if all the work I had done within myself just took. I am now on a new road to greatness!! I feel like step one has been accomplished. I am finally in a place spiritually that I wanted to be in. I just have to keep that up and get to the next level of that category. So since I feel like that is finally on its way, I will have to begin working on something else. I am going to have to change my diet and my lifestyle as it relates to food. I have joined a gym and I don't go as often as I should but I'm going more than I used to. I feel like I am on the right track as far as the gym goes but that my next hard job needs to be on my food. So everyone wish me luck and if you see me eating something I said I wasn't gonna eat and it isn't the weekend then spank me.

check in spank finally eating spiritually food life gym

Are You Heterosexual-White-Male? If You Said No To One Then Say Yes To Obama.

2008-11-01T17:27:00.002-05:00

In email after email from my family and other McCain/Palin supporters they have mentioned Obama and alleged links to terrorists. Over and over again I have linked them proofs to the contrary about Obama being allegedly Socialist/Terrorist. In response I generally get the same thing which is that if he has these friends he has the potential to be just like they are/were at any point in time. But somehow the links that Palin and McCain have are not subject to the same questions and scrutiny. If potential intent and purposeful distancing from links to bad people is a part of the picture for Obama why is it not thesame for Mccain/Palin?

It seems when the exact same questions come up regarding Palin and McCain I am told by McCain/Palin supporters that intent is not the same as action. I hear all about the subject of intent basically saying that because Palin has not committed actual book burnings, or witch hunts that people are suspecting she would do or support, that it isn't valid to question it. It seems extremely hypocritical to me because they are basically saying that if Obama has potential ill intent and has never acted on it he's a terrorrist and could snap into terrorist mode at any minute, but Palin who though she has never pushed the issues directly, has been linked to many religious extremists and even takes part in a"spiritual warfare" program which has been known to support witch-hunting and other extreme activities and beliefs - should not be questioned because her intent or our guesses at her intent are all of a sudden not an issue.

Look people however much we want to pretend or ignore this fact because we are Christians ourselves - Christians have been linked to equally as much terrorism around the world throughout history as Islam has. (before bugging out look it up and see how many countries we Americans alone have hopped over to in order to bomb the shit out of some "heathen" country and look at what was said at that time in history by people on our side and you'll likely find a bunch of stuff about God's will) Our own American history within our own soil shows a lot of death and murder in the name of Christianity and manifest destiny of those who are Christian. It has crossed over our borders and been committed further by us and other countries as well in the name of Christianity and God's will. Yet because we are Christian we think it's God's will, but when we hear someone from Islam saying the same things all of a sudden it's terrorism.

The reason I bring this up is because Palin's links are not just to your average small town American Christian - they are instead links to what even many of those average Christians consider an extreme sect of Pentecostals. Does that worry me? Hell yes!!! Because I don't want my freedoms taken from me or someone else based on any religion as I believe my journey with God to be my own and that's it. I don't feel like me being governed by some Christian extremist version of Christianity is any different than women in Islamic countries allegedly being forced to wear burkhas and walk 10 steps behind men they were forced to marry, and then if they are raped on the way to the market or work get killed for associating with a man other than their husband.

Should I wonder whether good Christian people would do such violent and offensive things? Yes. For evidence please refer to the Salem witch hunts, where women who thought for themselves were burned at the stake for going against the orders of doctors, preachers or other men in power, or to our history with American Indians who were violently killed and victims of biological terrorism in the form of smallpox on blankets just for the acquisition of property and because they were not Christian and therefore because they were barbaric pagans they were expendable or non important as human beings. And when you're done with that take a look at slavery and after slavery the Jim Crow laws and the black codes that prevented freedom and condoned lynchings for another 100 years as we all pretended black people were really free even though they couldn't get a paycheck accept once a year (if they were lucky) and they couldn't go anywhere unless it had a sign on it that didn't say whites only.

Do I doubt that I could fall victim to this one day because I think for myself, am independent, don't choose or need a man to make me whole, don't use todays medicine and choose instead to use traditional medicine (the same natural medicine that was used by the women burned in Salem by the way), have friends who practice religions other than Christianity, have attended some of their services, have friends from Pakistan, India, China, Korea, Iran, Afghanistan, Turkey, Israel etc. No I don't doubt it. Only within the last few years have people of middle eastern descent and their friends been imprisoned without access to attourneys and habeas corpus and due process of the law while their homes and families were lost because they could no longer take care of them or work to pay for them. Only 60 or so years ago were Japanese people put into internment camps because they were suspect all of a sudden during WWII. Only about 80 or so years ago did Greek people have barely more rights than black people because legally they were not considered officially white at that time.

This history would not make me nervous what so ever if I was like some of you who fit every single category that has protected people in our country from murder, lynchings, unconstitutional means of punishment, torture, imprisonment and persecution for years (ie. white, heterosexual, Christian, believes in marriage etc.). Because I am different I risk being put through any sort of attrocity that someone who is linked to and has hired extreme Christians thinks up in their perfect little Christian heads. It is scary if you don't fit the mold and know America's history (even in the last decade) to imagine you could be next just like it is scary for you white, heterosexual Christians to look at the history of alleged terrorists or extremists linked to Obama and think we could be victim to whatever thing they think up. But apparently according to those McCain/Palin supporters who email me only Obamas potential intent matters and Palin's does not have any need to be questioned. And why is that?... I have one phrase for you - Christian vs. Muslim. hmmm it is clear that extremist Christians are ok in all of their minds, but for some reason we're supposed to be afraid of those who would challenge America on it's horrendous history or challenge Christians on their own terrorist natures. All I can think to do is to make an introduction... Pot meet Kettle you are both black as tar have fun looking at yourselves in the mirror.

It has been proven that neither of them (Obama/Palin) are guilty of anything but association with these extremists other than the fact that Palin has been caught on tape knodding in agreement with these extremists and both have hired them and Obama has written forwards in their books while Palin has worn their buttons in support of them when they traveled through town etc. (writing forwards in books of people whom you've never met is common practice by the way - I have many published friends who were hired or asked by Barnes and Noble and many other major companies to write forwards and endorsements in and about the books and people whom they have never met- It's kinda like endorsing a guy whose been in the military because you have been there too it's done all the time - or just because he was in the military even if you have never served)

And by the way the same rules go for McCain. I have lists and lists of things (like links to economic terrorists and convicted felons and drug addicted theives) that I have emailed his supporters in email responses. I have researched these things and even though McCain has been friends with these people to the point of using his government positions to do favors for them and making them the godparents of his children when he has been asked about them he has minimized his relationship with them and acted as if they were not close at all. If I was Duke Tully I would have been offended at McCain's comments after he was questioned about my mistakes because it was as if he cared nothing about the guy even though he made him the godparent of his kid at one point in time. So McCain is a guy who will omit someone from his life and pretend he is and was not close to them when the egg hits the pan and things get hot. To me it appears that either he was close friends with these people like has been proven or that he pretended to be friends with them as long as they were of use to him and then dropped them as soon as they became harmful to him or his image instead. Either way it is questionable whether he's just a liar (ie. his denial of close relationships with these people) or a user and a liar (because he pretended to be friends with them so he could benefit from) none of it is good when you look at it without clouded vision.

And before you consider saying how Obama's friends and McCain's friends are soooooo different because Obama's are extremist terrorists remember that physical terrorism though it is more talked about and attractive for the masses to look at it is not the only kind of terrorism. There is also economic terrorism which has affected many a country and individual through things like sanctions and harmed just as many and has been enacted in our own country as well against those who could not and would not conform. (hmmm sounds kinda like what McCain supporters would call socialism to me).

Terrorists in general are people who are narcissists and therefore cannot figure out why someone would be so offended or see them as bad because in their minds they are doing the right thing and anyone who disagrees is simply stupid and to hard headed to see that the actions are for their own good. In addition to this mentality they believe that they are so smart that everyone should listen to them and give them privileges and believe what they say and therefore they see nothing wrong with themselves acquiring power for themselves in the form of property, money, and leadership roles. (sound like anyone you know of) This fits both violent forms of terrorists as well as those who acquire their power through the oppression and control of others economically. Palin is too close in link to people whose types have long been known throughout history to commit terrorism against others via religious narcissism, religious terrorism, religious socialism and McCain has been linked to those and even helped those who have committed economic terrorism against Americans and individuals alike. Combine these two and you have a dangerous combination of people who will and have purposefully benefitted financially and with special favors only those who agree with them and/or who believe that Christians are worthy while everyone else is a witch or demon deserving of whatever may come in the war of the spirit via "spiritual warfare."

Add this to the list of things that Palin has spoken against with regards to the funding of science and you have a scary picture of what the future could entail on your hands. I agree with people who feel that science should have clear separations of what is fact and what is still being challenged and has not yet been completely proven. I agree with them that there is nothing wrong with creationism being studied and investigated in schools for what it is separate from science/evolution (not instead of) as well to see what is/can be proven as fact. I would add though that we should include ALL creationism theory and not just Christian because science has proven some Pagan, Buddhist, Islamic etc. theories correct just like it has done in Christianity and evolution sciences and if we include ALL of the ingredients perhaps we will have a more true picture instead of one that is just Christian or just Science/evolution.

But I am not for someone like Palin who has spoken against the funding of science on multiple occasions - just in the last week or two she spoke against the funding for fruit fly research which has actually advanced us immensely in medical science and has saved us from much of what could and would potentially be done via stem cell research instead.

It was on a "Friday when at a speech in Pittsburgh, Gov. Palin denounced wasteful expenditure on fruit-fly research, adding for good measure that some of this research took place "in Paris, France" and winding up with a folksy "I kid you not." It was 1933 when Thomas Hunt Morgan won a Nobel Prize for showing that genes are passed on by way of chromosomes. The experimental creature that he employed in the making of this great discovery was the fruit fly. Scientists of various sorts continue to find it a very useful resource, since it can be easily and plentifully "cultured" in a laboratory, has a very short generation time, and displays a great variety of mutation. This makes it useful in studying disease, and since Gov. Palin was in part in Pittsburgh to talk about her signature "issue" of disability and special needs, she might have had some researcher tell her that there is a Drosophila (scientific name for fruit fly)-based center for research into autism at the University of North Carolina. The fruit fly can also be a menace to American agriculture, so any financing of research into its habits and mutations is money well spent. It's especially ridiculous and unfortunate that the governor chose to make such a fool of herself in Pittsburgh, a great city that remade itself after the decline of coal and steel into a center of high-tech medical research.

John McCain has mad repeated use of anti-waste anti-porkbarrel spending ads and elaborated in his speeches about the expenditure of $3 million to study the DNA of grizzly bears in Montana was derided as "unbelievable." As an excellent article in the Feb 8, 2008 Scientific American pointed out, there is no way to enforce the Endangered Species Act without getting some sort of estimate of numbers, and the best way of tracking and tracing the elusive grizzly is by setting up barbed-wire-hair-snagging stations that painlessly take samples from the bears as they lumber by and then running the DNA samples through a laboratory. The cost is almost trivial compared with the importance of understanding this species, and I dare say, the project will yeild results in the measurement of other animal populations as well, but all McCain could do was be flippant and say that he wondered whether it was a "paternity" or a "criminal" issue that the Fish and Wildlife Service was investigating. (perhaps those really are the only things that he associates in his mind with DNA). They are both (McCain/Palin a couple of Philistines with extreme friends who are (dare I say it) linked to terrorist and extreme views that are anti-American in that they are against freedom and progress as well as against the ability of the average American to take care of themselves. (again my mind pops to the similarities to what McCain/Palin supporters call socialism where a government would distribute it's beliefs across the whole of it's people at the expense of freedom and individuality and use those beleifs to limit/control some while others benefit from doing basically nothing to deserve it, but because they fit a small few parameters they benefit). Religious socialists to me seem to be attempting to do two things: 1- create a heaven on earth for those who (according to them) are already following God's law; and 2- force and colonize the rest of the people into following their version of God's law as opposed to allowing people to travel their own spiritual path with God for themselves.

I am not voting for that. I have a relationship with God that THANK GOD is not controlled by the government's idea of Christian Euphoria - it doesn't always go as I wish it would and I learn and grow because of it every day to become closer and closer in my relationship with God which I love, and I feel sorry for those who would be victim of a dogmatic version of a religion that actually prevents them from having that relationship because they are too busy conforming to some earthly human's version of spirituality and euphoria. It's nuts in my opinion and I don't support it.

I would say to you if you have made it this far in my post that I hope you don't support it either. I hope that if you are different than those who are traditionally protected in this country you will not vote for those who would continue that oppression of others so that they may be protected. If you are a woman know that in the past and even now women have been oppressed at the hands of people like this sometimes at their own choosing as women like Palin have been known many a day to be more patriarchial and mysogenistic than many of the men in this country I hope you vote Obama. If you are a transexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, s&m advocate, stripper, prostitute, madam, or don't support marriage or the Christian version of it etc. I hope you understand that there is potentially a stake waiting in the future for you somewhere if you vote for McCain/Palin. If you are not white I hope you have researched American history enough to know that the only people who can commit terrorist acts without being persecuted in this country are white and that as soon as someone non-white does something terroristic you may be put into a concentration camp or internment camp without due process of the law and I hope you vote for Obama. If you practice a religion other than Christianity please remember that you may be victim to the same as those of color and others have been if people like McCain and Palin are permitted to stay in power.

I support Obama in part because he is of color and accepting of others of color, because he understands women and is accepting of them even if they are highly successful and not in need of him, because he is supportive of the points of views of others who to many seem extreme even if he doesn't agree with them, because he is willing to listen to people and learn from them despite their backgrounds and points of view, because he understands America's history and it's willingness to take away money from those who have less and give it to those who have more like a twisted backward version of robin hood, because he understands that if I give my money to the guy who already has a bunch and runs the business that I work for that it will not trickle back down to me. Ultimately what I am trying to say is that Obama supports diversity of all and oppression of none at the cost of the others from what I can tell. He says to me we are all in this together instead of we are in it alone or it's us against them. Is this socialist? I don't believe it is, but those who would support the oppression of others and the benefit of themselves would attempt to make you think it is so that they can continue to get away with an unregulated corporate sanctioned oppression of those who work for a living while those at the top doing nothing benefit.

McCain/Palin benefit Obama oppression Socialist unregulated scrutiny together

Finding Gold in The Shadow

2008-09-19T10:14:00.005-05:00

I thought this was great and motivating for someone who has ever felt down and stifled by others or self. Thanks to Mireille Dupuis for writing it and thanks to Women at Heart for posting it.

Finding Gold in the Shadow~ Mireille Dupuis

A glimpse at the power, beauty and meaning of our shadow side. And you thought I was so bad, so negative, so scary.... But you’re starting to see that I have been your ally all along. The guardian of the treasures you have hidden along the way. A little girl who, a long time ago, knew how to be happy. I have kept her warm and safe until you were ready to take her back home. A little girl with a deep loving nature, who longed to spread love around but who didn’t know where to plant the seeds; everyone was so busy surviving. A little girl, an artist, who thought she had better hide because she wasn’t meeting her parents’ expectations; who didn’t know she’d better follow her dreams. I am the keeper of the courage you found to look into yourself and to find shadow in the light and light in the shadow. The keeper of your gifts, the keeper of your integrity. I am the angry voice who cannot stand to see you compromising yourself and desperately trying to please others; forgetting your dreams, your visions. I am the one longing for balance, for the whole to be considered. I am the other side of things, the other half. Without me, you can only hope to be half of who you are. Within me, you can reconcile opposites and conceive of a wiser, better-fitting solution that brings unity rather than opposition. I am the keeper of your truth. I am the no-nonsense voice in you, the one that you can’t fool. The voice who lets you know you’re not being real. The voice that needs to say she was bored or hurt or angry when you acted out of a sense of duty, and not out of authenticity. I am the keeper of your honesty. I am the one bored to death, screaming you can do better than that when you stay in your empty, meaningless, well-paying job. I am the one who will do this unacceptable thing that will get you fired from the empty job so you can start addressing more pressing matters, matters of truth, and matters of the heart. I am the keeper of the secrets you keep from yourself, the ones you don’t dare look at for fear that they might hurt too much; for fear that they might not sound socially acceptable; for fear that you might see beyond a shadow of a doubt that you need to make changes. I am the keeper of your strength; the strength that you found to trade your victim eyes for clarity and vision. I was the keeper of your self-confidence while you were so busy doubting yourself. The keeper of your self-worth when you were saying you weren’t worth it, you didn’t deserve it. I am the voice screaming of injustice when you’re not living up to your potential, when you don’t take care of yourself and you envy someone else who does; when you waste your time and find yourself wanting to be somebody else instead of creating your own ideal reality. And I am the one hurting when I see you sabotaging your chances of success. And I am the bitter one when I hear you belittling yourself. And I am the angry one when I see you not honouring yourself. I am the voice you hear when you have compromised yourself. I am your potential. I am your shadow.

motivating Mireille Dupuis Women At Heart Finding Gold In The Shadow power scary guardian happy

Building More Muscle

2008-05-21T21:39:00.001-05:00

Since I haven't posted in a while here is a video.

video muscle building

Building Muscle

2008-05-21T21:36:00.001-05:00

Ok since I haven't posted in a billion years I figured I'd give you a video or two to watch.

video muscle building

Fat People Cause Global Warming

2008-05-18T10:56:00.004-05:00

I recently read an article on Right Wing News about how fat people are causing global warming. Being that I am 75 to 85lbs overweight at the least I'm assuming that this article must have something to do with me. Apparently, British scientists have linked global warming to our world's ever increasing pounds. Though I am a contributor to this epidemic I have to admit that it sort of makes sense. Overweight people use more fuel to transport themselves around our great planet, in most cases they consume more food and produce more carbon emissions. A bit crazy and a bit sensible at the same time. It makes you think that perhaps if you are overweight you should lose some poundage for the environment. "It's Green to be Lean."

Right Wing News fat people global warming overweight British scientists epidemic fuel transport

I Love The Whole World

2008-04-20T10:59:00.000-05:00

mountains sites giant squids

Update From HappyLand

2008-03-18T21:19:00.001-05:00

Hello all. I am updating because I promised someone I would do it more often. Sadly enough for the weight portion of my process I am at Starbucks. I love my hot chocolate and my rice crispy squares. Oh well. So I'm trying to be a bit more positive attitude wise. This has served me well in the relationship department and resulted in more snuggliness from my girlfriend. We've gotten along well of late and I am glad for that. I am trying to stay positive at work which proves difficult with the frequent secret squirrel type behavior of nearly everyone around me. I am not happy there but I'm happy to do the work that I do. I definitely enjoy it so that is a plus. I've been so busy lately that my brain is fried, but I'm sure that something will change soon enough to relieve me of that stress. Anyway have a great day world!!

update attitude positive happy change

Sunday Update

2008-03-16T09:40:00.002-05:00

Ok people. This is my life. I fight back and forth with myself over so many of my issues. I am trying so hard to work on myself in general. The Remediation of an Angry Fat Ass is not just about weight loss. First of all most of the time people who are significantly overweight also suffer from many other issues ranging from depression, to OCD to more and more. I am not different. I don't know for sure why I decided to not care about exercise or health but I did. The same reason I likely stopped caring if my house was clean or if I cooked for myself instead of eating out. Thing is I need to make changes and I am making changes but it is sooooo frustrating that they don't happen as immediately as I feel the need to make them. I am working on my anger issues and how I treat others because we all know I'm a bitch. I don't mind being a bitch because in many ways I feel this gets me at least the treatment I deserve if I'm not going to be given the respect I deserve. People know not to fuck with me. I like that. I don't have to worry about people trying to screw me over as much when I'm a bitch. People know that I'm recording their conversations and that I will use it against them via any means necessary. Those who have challenged me have ended up on the news in a negative light and worse. I don't have a problem doing every thing legal in the books to make sure that you pay for treating me and/or others negatively. So being a bitch is sure helpful in those situations. People challenge me, I remind them I'm a bitch, they think it doesn't mean anything, I show them proof via email links to some of the news stories I've been involved with, I quote laws to them off the top of my head, they threaten me, I mention to them that threats don't scare me - I grew up in rural Oklahoma, I learned to shoot a gun and fight at a young age and then practiced it in the military - I am smart enough to make copies of everything and make sure they can be found in multiple locations - I have documents and recordings that are left with others along with instructions to publish them if anything happens to me - my father is the type of guy who may very well "punish" anyone who would injure or kill me in any way. I am safe and if I am not then those who fuck with me will become unsafe. Life is good as a bitch so I am having a hard time relinquishing my anger for fear that the bitch in me will leave too. I remember the old peaceful me that was so sweet and loving and hopeful though. Where is she? I need her to come back if nothing else to protect my relationship. I have a hard time turning off the bitch when I get home. I am trying though. I hope it all works out. In the end I hope to be a hot looking, buff, somewhate skinny, long haired, dread locked, lesbian with a great job, great friends, and a great relationship. Ah - the journey ahead. I have promised myself I won't cut my hair until I have acheived this and so far my locks have reached the beginning of my ass. In the next 3 or 4 years I could be hanging myself by them while I sleep they are so long. Wish me luck people.... Wish me luck.

Remediation overweight depression changes frustrating respect recording news

The Weight Loss Continues

2008-01-09T20:35:00.000-05:00

Ok - so the fast only lasted 4 days for me. I lost 12lbs and could easily have kept going accept for the fact that I had an allergic reaction to Senna which was in the herbal tea that I was drinking during the Master Cleanse fast that I was doing. The fast was very difficult but definitely worth it if you can keep from being allergic to the one thing you get to have while fasting. So now I am 15lbs lighter and I am as itchy as hell. I hate this feeling. I would rather be fat as hell than itchy as hell. It is supposedly going away little by little but I am not feeling any better really. Wish me luck!! I am excited about having lost 15lbs so far. I have been going to the gym on a daily basis doing 30 minutes on the bike. In the beginning or middle of February I plan to start lifting weights as well which I expect will increase the fat loss that I have happening. I am looking forward to that. I plan to win the contest at my work and use the money to take a trip at the end of April.

Fasting allergies itchy weight loss working out money

The Master Cleanser

2008-01-04T21:58:00.000-05:00

Ok - so I am doing this fast called "The Master Cleanser" and I am wondering whether or not I can make it through this thing or not. The purpose is to eliminate toxins, mucous and build up in my body. In the end of it all I expect that I will have lost some weight, lost a lot of mucous and lost a lot of toxic crap. I expect that when it is finished I will have a bit of a hard time if I attempt to go back to my previous diet. I hope to come off of this with a renewed set of taste buds and a renewed stomach. I am to the point now where I am sick of food if that makes any sense. I am sick of eating all the crap I eat and I hate cooking so I'm hoping to adjust my food preferences by making myself sick if I eat the crap I've been eating. I want to come out of this eating healthier even if it means I am forced to do so via being sick when I eat the crap I have been eating for the last 10 years. I am doing this fast with my girlfriend and she started it one day ahead of me. I have not weighed myself since beginning the process but at the beginning I weighed 250lbs luckily I proportion well but I am still an angry fat ass in need of remediation. My girlfriend has lost 5lbs after completing 2 full days of the fast so I hope that by Wednesday I have lost at least that. I am trying to win a weight loss competition at my job where the participants are putting in $5 weekly and the winner takes the whole pot. So hopefully I can at least make the switch from McDonald's to Lettuce Surprise You as far as my eating out regimine goes. Wish me luck.

Day 1 Symptoms:

Frequent defication the first day with stomach cramps immediately before each need to release toxins
Frequent urination
Slight headache that is more in the background and very tolerable
Extremely small twinges of hunger

Day 2 Symptoms:

Defication less frequent but still more often than before the fast and still with stomach cramps immediately before the need to release toxins
Frequent urination
Slight headache that is still quite tolerable
Frequent twinges of hunger that are difficult to resist
Slight Fatigue

Have I cheated on the fast so far? Yes - I have not done the brackish water drink as of yet because I have not gotten up early enough to be able to complete the process before going to work. Also, I have decided that because I am hypoglycemic and prone to blood sugar problems I will take spirulina pills in the evenings in order to reduce headaches and blood sugar fluctuations as it has a sufficient amount of protein with which to survive on for 10 days. I have discovered that there are more extreme hunger twinges throughout the day when I am more active and I am considering spreading the spirulina out in doses throughout the day as opposed to having them all at night. I will try to check in again on Sunday if I am not too sick to show up at the coffee shop to connect to the internet.

The Master Cleanse toxins weight loss diet stomach health sick process weight

Update on the Angry Fat Ass

2007-12-14T22:51:00.000-05:00

Ok all. It has been a long time since I have put anything up on the fatass journal. Finally, here it is. I don't have much to say because the Starbuck's where I get my internet connection is about to close and I will have to leave soon. Don't worry I didn't get all the things I would normally have gotten back before the Angry Fat Ass started the process of improving life like red velvet cake, rice crispy treats, hot chocolate etc. I simply bought a bottle of water. So an update on my progress. I have made many improvements and on the other hand I feel a bit like I am treading in water (which will help me lose a bit of weight anyway). So I have finally joined a gym and have been going at least 3 days weekly. I hope to be going about 5 to 7 days weekly by January but who knows how that will go. Wish me luck!!

Fatass gym weight loss

Video on Plyometrics

2007-09-09T10:28:00.000-05:00

Here is a video from the people at diet.com check it out and decide for yourself what you think, but think about it this way. If you are doing nothing at all then at least this is something to do to help your fat ass out a little.

diet fat health weight video

Wish Me Luck

2007-08-05T07:14:00.000-05:00

Ok - finally I have decided to follow through with going on a diet. I am lucky enough that my bestest friend ever is a buff - good looking personal trainer. After gazillions of years of talking to her about my angry fat ass I have come to the conclusion that it is time to start eating better and lose some weight in a healthy way so she has agreed to help me out by providing me a diet specifically taylored to just little old me. My main concerns right now:
1- I won't get to eat out with all my work buddies every day like I've become accustomed to
2 - I will be spending all my money at the beginning of the month as far as my food budget goes which is scary because no matter what the category I prefer to spend my money in little incriments instead of all at once
3 - I may have to give up my 4 nights a week of Starbuck's rice crispy treats and coffee with half and half in it. AAAAAHHHHHHAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH! not the Starbuck's. Heeeeeelllllp Meeeee!!

diet, personal training, will power, eating, health, concerns, peer pressure, budgeting, coffee

I'm Still Fat But At Least I'm Still Here

2007-06-09T21:44:00.001-05:00

Hello all who care about my fat ass. I am still here though I'm not having much to say lately. I am busy that's for sure and this month is my birthday so I'm older and because my great lovely state makes all my car related crap due the month of your birthday all my money is gone too. Life is grand right? Oh well. I have been doing little bits and pieces at a time on my work toward becoming a cute, buff, little, peace loving hippie. I have been trying to have a better attitude first of all which has helped my stress level a little bit. I haven't been going nuts with my road rage lately, I didn't throw my computer across the room the other day when it started shutting down and dumping the memory. That's progress right? I'm still having negative thoughts though. For example, just the other day I watched Sara Silverman (I think that's her name) dog Paris Hilton out and I thought it was great! Viacom yanked the video from You Tube like the losers they are (oops there goes the negative me again) but oh well. I think it's great that Paris has to serve time cause I think it's about time that money doesn't buy you a way out of jail any more. Next we have to get that to work the same with men as it does with women and put people like those Enron fuckers in jail, after that we can start yanking politicians out of their seats and throw them in the can too. So much for the peace loving hippy routine huh? Oh well, at least I'm a little better maybe 5% but still that's better than the zero I used to be.

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Just checking in

2007-06-03T13:27:00.000-05:00

Hello little world. I am back again just to say that I'm still here. I am still fat and I am still angry. I have been working a little better at the whole getting healthier thing, but it's harder to have the will power than I thought it would be. I've changed from having a Mocha at the coffee shop to having a regular coffee with just a tad bit of half and half. If I feel like I need something sweet while I'm having my coffe then later I will get a green drink from Odwalla. Healthy compared to the cookies etc. that I could be snarfing on. I'm still walking but still not every day like I should. I have had a hard time with my budget lately so the food has been good since I'm being forced to eat at home. I'm looking forward to the day that my budget gets more squared away and I can just eat what I want to buy at the grocery store instead of what ever is in the house. I haven't felt at home in my own home much lately cause all my stuff isn't in the house yet. My girlfriend has all her stuff in the house but I we ran out of money to pay the movers to move stuff out of my storage then it started raining when we were moving into our place. I think once I feel at home in my own home then the angry side of my fat ass won't be as much of an issue just simply because of less stress.

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Atlanta, GA, butt, Challenges, eat, General, health, plan, pounds

What The Hell is This Fat Ass Doing?

2007-05-20T13:46:00.000-05:00

Hello All. I've made myself a goal of walking every day until I've done it at least a month. The purpose is to get myself in a bit better shape. My lungs and heart most specifically. I figure if I walk every day I may or may not lose weight but the purpose is to get the aerobic lung/heart muscles worked out. Once I've managed to do this every day for a month then I'm gonna start some strength training. In the mean time I'm gonna pretend I don't know anything about strength training. When I'm able to have the will power to walk every day for 30 minutes without coming up with an excuse for one day or another then I'll worry about that. So how's the goal coming along you may ask? I'm about 40% successful. Basically, that means that I've walked during this month starting on May 1st but only about 40% of the days so far in the month. Oh well. I started at least. Eventually I'll do it every day. Maybe next month. I've got to figure out a way to keep focused and to make this important. What happens is that I get home and I see a cloud in the sky or I think about all the laundry I've left undone and then I scam out of the whole thing.

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Achieving My Goals Part 2

2007-04-29T09:00:00.000-05:00

Ok. So achieving a better immune system is figured out and as soon as I unpack whichever box it is that has my plan all written out I will get right on that part beyond whatever I'm already doing on May 1st.
As far as the weight loss part is concerned I think I'm on track with that as well right now. I'm gonna start walking daily like I said and in addition I will be eating at home more often.
Now that I've got it all figured out it's just a matter of actually following through on it. Wish me luck! I'm gonna journal about the whole thing the whole way through. We'll see how that turns out. I hope I'm not too revealing. I don't want to get banned from the web. Ha Ha. I guess I don't have to worry too much about it as long as I see that Rosie O'Donnell is on her blog still I guess I'll be able to keep up my blogging as well.
I am thinking about adding pictures to my journal entries. We'll see how that turns out. My idea is to take pictures of parts and all of me and then label it day 1, day 2 etc. in order to track my progress. Of course, I would not be taking daily pictures of myself but I will still be taking pictures none the less. It will be interesting to track the progress and I hope to see a difference in my day 1 vs. day 100 photos. If I don't then my next goal may be to work more hours so I can afford a trainer. My best friend is a trainer but I pissed her off by being a slack ass and eating crap I wasn't supposed to eat when she was helping me so I likely won't get too much help from her until I've proven myself to give a shit enough to do it on my own. That's no problem of course because I have other friends who've done the same thing to me. Somehow they think it's my job to help them or even worse take care of them even though they don't do shit for themselves. Enough of that vent though. This is about my slack ass not my friends.

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Achieving My Goals

2007-04-29T08:34:00.000-05:00

Ok. How am I going to achieve my short term goals? I think that I will have to break it down into little parts. Regarding my immune system I already have a plan. I have it all written out somewhere in my crap that is packed up since my move to a new apartment. That is easy to figure out. Step one: unpack. Step two: follow the plan. The plan includes a whole bunch of different stuff. Basically, I will be taking particular supplements, exercising, sleeping etc. on a regimen which will serve to improve my immune system. I suspect that the immune system plan on its own will likely improve my weight and etc. However that doesn't mean that I don't need to focus on weight loss specifically. I will focus on that as well. As soon as I dig out my immune system plan I'll update you on what I'm doing first and how it affects me. In the mean time I have made a rule for myself that on May 1st I will start walking daily for at least 30 minutes in one session. I have also made a rule that on May 8th I will start eating food that is made at home and only eat out on the weekends. We'll see how that goes. I suspect that the walking won't be so tough but I think the food part will be. I'm addicted to eating out for some reason. I need to figure that out. Even if all that there was in the world was tofu and sprouts I'd still rather eat out than make a sandwich or some soup at home. I wonder what that's about?

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Now What?

2007-04-29T08:04:00.000-05:00

Ok. So I've taken the step of making a "fat ass" blog. I've done all sorts of journaling. I've taken the dive into the deep dark trenches of myself to figure out why what where blah blah blah the beginning of my fat. I've admitted that I look better in my mind than I do in a mirror. I've admitted that I'm addicted to fast food. I am a part of the fast food nation.
Now What?!? Where do I go from here? What in the hell is my purpose beyond a bit of blogging and journaling? I have to set some goals. What the hell are they? Ok here goes.
I know I want to be healthier. Not necessarily as it relates to fat. I want to have a good immune system. I don't want to get sick so often. I don't want to have allergies so bad every year, I don't want to get colds and flu's like I have been lately and in the last few years. What else?
I want to fit into all my clothes instead of just some of them. I have a huge stack of jeans that I don't fit. If I were to guess I'd say I'm about 10lbs out of them. I'm not sure of that though.
I have all sorts of other goals but they're long term so I won't mention them. What's the point really of focusing on a bunch of crap that is so far off that I'll likely lose site of it all and end the entire process. Let's just say that in the end of all this I hope to be a cute white girl with a pretty smile and dread locks that is peaceful and happy and so hot that even people who don't like cute little peaceful hippies with dreadlocks think I'm cute and want to talk to me. I want to have the image that I have of myself be reflected in the image of myself I see in the mirror. I want to just be better that's all - BETTER.

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The Makings of a Fat Ass Part 4

2007-04-26T21:05:00.000-05:00

Ok. Now that we're out of the military what happens? Not a damn thing. We just eat and eat and eat. The drinking and the parties and fun continue on and on forever. Ahh this is the life. Let's see I went into the military 125lbs(1995), got out of boot camp 135lbs(2 months later), got out of the military 140lbs(1999), job after job after job after job to now we are at 228lbs(2007). I say we because I am now the size of two of my Sophomore in high school selves. So what the hell happened? That's what I wanna know. What happened to the wonder years and the wonder weight? I think it was Mcdonald's. That's who I'll blame. Not the fact that I drove myself there every day. I got out of the military and went to work for an avionics company. Me and all my work buddies went to the Chic-fil-A every day. My girlfriend and I at that time were going out to eat all the time. When we ate at home (rarely) it was turkey burgers and corn. After that girlfriend and I broke up (5 years later) I began going out and rebelling against the break-up and all women in general. This meant making bunches of new friends and going out to eat more and more. After that going to the club more and more. Sitting in a chair at the strip club watching someone else getting their cardio in while they straddled me naked. Ahh the life of denial and depression. Fun like manic but depressing when it's over. Any way my health after that was a down hill slide with an average of 12lbs per year. That is a pound per month. If I keep that up I will be 670lbs by the time I am 72 years old. That is one fat old lady.

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The Makings of a Fat Ass Part Three

2007-04-10T01:19:00.000-05:00

Ahh the fond memories of the Military. I won't tell you about all of them. What happens in the Military stays in the Military. Kinda like Vegas. What I will tell you is that the military is the place where I began to gain weight. The diet you are fed in the Navy is very much like the meat and potatoes diet of the Oklahoma farmer. In the Navy exercise is basically non existent. I suppose for someone who is a lazy wimp the Navy includes more exercise then they may be used to, but for the average person involved even a tiny bit with sports the exercise the Navy has you do is nearly un-noticeable. In boot camp for the Navy I don 't think we ever ran over a mile and a half at one time. I doubt I ran more than 25 to 30 miles in the entire two months in boot camp. I gained 10 pounds in boot camp. I hardly exercised at all the entire time I was in the military. I stayed in enough shape to pass the PT test. whoopidy dooo. I could run a mile in what 8 or 9 minutes? What normal person within 5 years of graduating high school can't? I know there are some people who haven't been exposed to much exercise at all, but that isn't who I'm talking about. Whatever who cares about them anyway? I had no problem running an 8 minute mile or even a 6 minute mile at that. I could have easily run an 8 minute mile as recently as 6 or 7 years ago. Now who knows? I think I could do it in 10 but I'm a fat ass so who knows how realistic that is. The military was a place where I had the most independence relating to my own exercise level. I was given the option of exercising when I wanted and how I wanted. This meant I did pretty much nothing. I was still rebelling against my father. I need to find a place where I have let him and all other authority figures attached to exercise go. I need to release them before they hold me down until I can no longer get up for myself. I'll keep you updated on how that goes.

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Athletics, Farmer, fat, Father, food addiction, General, Journal, Oklahoma, overweight, U.S. Department of Defense, U.S. Military, U.S. Navy, weight, weight loss

The Makings of A Fat Ass Part Two

2007-04-10T00:01:00.000-05:00

So college. I don't suppose things got any better at that time of my life. I went to college on a track/cross country scholarship. I was sooooo excited that I had been accepted and that I got the scholarship. I got there after rebelling against my father and his coaching for an entire summer. I was totally out of shape arriving and ended up being the worst one on the team at the beginning. Later in the season I was in great shape but to be honest my body type is not one which has positive results from the amount of exercise that I had to do. Regardless, the amount of exercise didn't serve to deter me from my love of running. As a matter of fact people used to comment all the time about me running everywhere on campus. I think the problem I have is with authority as opposed to exercise. As far as eating right goes I never have known how to do that. My father is a 300+ pound man who has been large all of my memorable life. I'm from Oklahoma. We are meat and potatoes people who are farmers. The problem is that if you are not actually taking an active roll in the farming activities then the meat and potatoes are stored as opposed to burned. So now we know. I am a lover of exercise who is burnt out due to the fact that exercise became not so fun any more. I am a lover of food who has continued to love food despite the fact that I have discontinued my love of exercise. Maybe the answer is for me to rekindle my affair with exercise but on my own this time. No authority figures included.

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Athletics, coach, college, cross country, Family, Family Issues, fat, food addiction, General, Journal, overweight, running, Sports, track, weight, weight loss

The Makings of a Fat Ass Part One

2007-04-06T00:47:00.001-05:00

I have not always been this way. I grew up normal. As a matter of fact I grew up skinny and some what toned. I am about 5'6" or 5'7". In high school I was 125lbs. That was 15 years ago. When I was little I used to watch my father (a high school sports coach) coach his boys track team. I used to wish I could be a part of the team. I could think of nothing more exciting than running a million miles in front of millions of cheering people in attempt to win an award. When I was 5 years old my dad let me run in a race that was sponsored by the local radio station in the area. I ran 4 miles and I came in very last place. I got escorted in by a police officer on a motorcycle and the entire crowd was cheering for me. After that I was hooked. I was so proud of myself for finishing the race without cheating like other kids my age who cut across at certain moments when they knew no one was watching. As if the people in charge of the race and watching the race didn't know they were cheating by the time they came in and how they came in ahead of adults in the race. Any way my excitement in finishing, getting the attention, receiving a radio station T-shirt had me hooked for life on running. Eventually the coach in my dad took him over and by the time I was in high school I had him driving behind me in his car on long runs out in the country so that I could keep in shape for the race. I would get so angry that his fat ass would be driving and yelling techniques out the window at me instead of running with me or letting the whole process be fun. After a few of those experiences I was un-hooked. I knew from that point forward that I would not be running unless I thought it was fun. Thus began my rebellious fight against authority and conformity and anything which wasn't fun. Basically, I went from a kid who loved running and had dreams of becoming an Olympic athlete to a kid who would sit around and do nothing just to get away from the dictator that was my coach. My dad was not a bad guy or a bad coach he just chose a tactic of break em down and build em back up as opposed to lets have fun with it and learn something. This simply was not the best tactic for me. It may have worked on others but on me it was paralyzing.

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In The Beginning

2007-04-05T23:24:00.000-05:00

Ok. I have heard that the first step to fixing your problems is to admit that they exist. So here goes. I am a fat person. It is true. I suppose later I will explore how I ended up this way but for now I'll just say it. I'm fat. I am 32 years old. I currently weigh about 227 or 228lbs. I have been told by lots of people that I don't look like I weigh that much, but that doesn't mean that I don't look overweight, and it doesn't mean I'm not overweight either. I have to be honest with myself here. Just because God has blessed me with good proportions doesn't mean I'm not overweight. I am thankful though that I am not one of those people that looks like a tic after it has feasted on a dog for a good week, but while I'm comparing myself to bugs I have to admit I look a bit like a bee with a big ole butt and some curves. Fat is however not my only issue. I am in general bad health. My hair is more dry than it has ever been before the last 3 or 4 years, My skin is broken out, My breath is funky, My energy level is nearly non-existent, My wardrobe is suffering (I feel like "The Incredible Hulk" busting out of my clothes), Sex life I won't even go into, My feet smell like a feed lot where cattle are housed, My elbows feel like an alligator's back, I've been getting sick more often than ever in the last five or six years. The list goes on and on. That doesn't even include the other stuff. All the emotional crap and anger issues and waaa waaaa waaa. So here begins my journey to better myself. I want to be at whatever my best is within the next two years as far as my health is concerned. Wish me luck.

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